FUNERAL ETIQUETTE

Recently, in my personal life I lost someone very close and dear to me.  I have since realized that, in coming back to work and reflecting on the events leading up to the funeral, the experience has provided me with some interesting things to share with my clients on the topic of etiquette, which is an area of personal image that I cover in my services. 

When someone dies, it is interesting to hear people respond to the loss. The people who are comforting you (as the family of the deceased) are the ones who, I think, are most at a loss for what to say.  It is awkward and because our culture and also my generation is not as used to loss, we are unsure of not only what to do, but also what to say. 

When you are entering the visitation line of the family of the deceased, it is appropriate to say hello, and that you are sorry about their loss, (not your loss) and to share a nice story of how you knew the deceased.  I include the last point because as one of the family it is comforting to hear how the visitor either knew or met your loved one. 

In our case during the visitation, we experienced comments that ranged from weird to very awkward to outright inappropriate!  In all cases, the comments shared one thing in common: the speaker was focusing on themselves or their own life rather than the deceased's life or on the family. A 180-degree shift in focus was required.

Knowing, as the visitor, that these things will be difficult in advance, just know that we as the family truly do appreciate your effort and willingness to come to pay your respects to our loved one. And that is the appropriate focus of conversation at a funeral.